I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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