Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
