Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
