My nipple is on Facebook.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
