I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
