3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently you make a good broom.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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