he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
