i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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