The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize