to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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