He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize