Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
