We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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