I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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