how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
