I smell stomach acid.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
