I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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