The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
