you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
