So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize