We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
