I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
