I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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