This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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