If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
