We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
