Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
