Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
