If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
