I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
