4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
