Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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