Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
