I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
