oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
