you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
