he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
