Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
