Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
