so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
