He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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