and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
