there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
