I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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