If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
