I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
