Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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