i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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