Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
