i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
