it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
