Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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