Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
