It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
