you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize