he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize