His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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