Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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