Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
