ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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