its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
