Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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