I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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