i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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