You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
