sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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