you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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