Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
