Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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