If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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