i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
