before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
